4 a.m. Awake. Stomach tight. Mind mulling over scary scenarios. Money needs, family illnesses.
I’ve been laid off and need a job. Unemployment running out in a week. Daughter sick. Mom getting older. Can’t buy Christmas gifts. My friends lost their jobs and now looking too.
Shifting and turning. Can’t sleep anymore. Husband rolls over and asks, “What’s wrong?” I tell him my concerns. He holds me and says not to worry, just find two things to be grateful for and go back to sleep. I sigh, “Okay.” I get up, pad into the warm living room and turn on the Christmas tree. Small, sweet, and full of white light.
I say a little prayer of thanks for the light, for our home, and for my husband who provides. I gently close my eyes so the lights become blurred and focus in on the entirety of the white light. . . maybe that’s how God sees us, all these individual little lights that blend into one big, bright light.
Meandering into the kitchen, I plug in the other Christmas lights. Muted reds, greens, yellows, and blues shining through the boughs of holly and streamers of poinsettias. Warm, calm, and full of color.
Another prayer of thanks goes out for the Christmas lights, for my friends, my dog, my family and the new babies on their way.
Feeling better, I venture into the den and switch on the overhead strings of lights. . . some white, some multi-colored. They cast a soft spread of color onto the Christmas cactus, ribbons and stockings.
Thank you Christmas lights
Again I pray. Thanks for my relationship with God, the goodness and generosity in others, the incredible wealth I have because I can open my heart and love others.
5:30 a.m. Awake. Stomach calm. Mind peacefully quiet. I am truly blessed.
I make my way back to the bed, snuggle up to my husband.
Inspired gratitude. Sleep.
Blessings, Rose Marie