Crumbs in the Light Lead to Love in the Dark

Crumbs. I wiped up the kitchen in the bright light. Flipped the switch and went to bed. Crawled into bed to find my love in the dark mess of covers. It’s a mid-summer night and the evening light is still fading. My husband is already asleep, so I get up quietly and pad softly into the kitchen for a drink of water.

The little night light on the sink casts its shadows across the countertop displaying the crumbs and streaks I missed when wiping up earlier. Funny, the big bright light overhead didn’t show me those crumbs or streaks.

Sometimes the dim light, the shadowed light reveals the hidden dirt in our lives. We go through life feeling we are always under scrutiny and under the big spot light but the hidden truth of our lives usually reveals itself when the light is dim in the local bar or bedroom.

Still, both dark and light are our true selves, just aspects of the inner being that learns and shares on different stages. The big stage is where we are most viewed, displaying ourselves as strong, beautiful, confident, helpful, motivated, supportive.

Behind the curtain we display our weaknesses, our fears and worthlessness. We become the self that has doubts and questions, who lacks confidence. Yet the common denominator is light.

Bright light versus dim. Light is there showing us who we are, allowing us to shine or to fade. It doesn’t care. You have the ability to be anything you want regardless of the brightness or dimness of the light. No matter what we display in the brightness or the shadow, we are that.

We claim both realms and love both realms. Without this dichotomy we are false, one sided, lacking discernment and compassion. The dim light links us to those who are also in the shadows. It helps us understand their pain. It teaches us about comfort and softness.

Subtle light and shadows give us interesting perspectives, like the crumbs on the counter. Crumbs in the light, may lead to love in the dark. . .  but also love in the light.

Embrace the light in all its forms. What you don’t see in the brightness, will show up in the shadow.


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5 Healthy Items You MUST Have in Your Cupboard

I love finding simple and easy solutions to health issues and of course cost effective solutions are even better. There are so many ways to get healthy and sometimes they are right in your cupboard.

1) BAKING SODA – This is a simple, inexpensive and excellent product no household should be without. Baking soda is so important for a variety of reasons, there are even books on it! Besides being a great antacid, (most people already know about), it has many other wonderful uses. I buy big 13.5 pound bags from a local superstore so I never run out! The big bags have a whole list of uses, so be sure to read.

Homemade tooth powder. Baking soda is excellent mixed with sea salt in lieu of toothpaste with fluoride and chemicals. Three parts soda to one part sea salt is a great mix. If you want to add more flavor, just add two to six drops of a preferred essential oil like peppermint or wintergreen or cinnamon. For more cohesiveness, add some glycerin or coconut oil and mix well. Wonderful breath freshener too and it’s much cheaper than buying expensive toothpaste.

Skin soother. As a child my mother often had her six children bath and/or soak in a bath with baking soda, (not all of us at the same time) especially when we had chiggers, bug bites, sunburn or itchy skin. It is wonderful for acne too. Mix a ¼ teaspoon of baking soda with a few drops of white vinegar to make a thick paste and dab on the pimples.

Cleaning agent. Baking soda is excellent as a cleaning agent too and can really make pots, pans, and sinks shine! Simply mix with a little water and scrub. It’s non-scratch for porcelain or stove tops too! For extra cleaning, add white vinegar and melt away grease and grime naturally.


2) Hydrogen Peroxide. Most folks have a bottle of 3% hydrogen peroxide in the cupboard for putting on cuts and disinfecting wounds. But how many actually use it for gargle or rinsing their mouths? It is a great disinfectant for your mouth each day and adds the added benefit of whitening your teeth. I have switched from the store bought peroxide and now only use the 35% food grade hydrogen peroxide. This is a very strong solution and must be diluted before using, but it does not have any of the chemical or water additives that is in the store bought 3% dilution. I keep large bottles in my refrigerator and make small spray bottle dilutions that I keep on my sinks. I use the spray in my mouth and on my hands and I also spray it on the sinks, handles, counter tops, cutting boards and door knobs for disinfecting those areas too. It is a much better, natural disinfectant than bleach, and of course it is much safer. One of the best benefits is the lack of odor like any other disinfectant product out there. Hydrogen peroxide is so safe, so simple and so clean.

3) Oregano and oregano oil. Oregano is excellent for its anti-bacterial and anti-viral properties. The Italians have long used the spice for centuries in cooking, but also for natural immune system health. If you feel you are coming down with some ailment and want to boost your immune system, take a tablespoon of oregano and make a tea out of it. Brew it for at least 7 minutes to get the oil released from the herb, strain and sip. It can also be used topically for wounds as well. I prefer using pure oregano essential oil. I use it on the bottoms of my feet to keep my immune system healthy and ward off bacterial or viral infections. It smells strongly and can have a burning sensation, so that’s only one reason I use it on my feet. The oil goes into the blood stream rapidly on the bottoms of the feet, and I usually add a little castor oil to help it go in. An added benefit is that if you have any warts, athlete’s foot, or fungus growth you will most likely see a great improvement with the use of oregano essential oil.

4) Coconut Oil. If you don’t have this item in your cupboard, it’s high time you got some. Pure organic coconut oil has so many uses, that again, a small book is warranted. Coconut oil is excellent for cooking. It can take more heat than just about any other oil without putting out harmful trans fatty acids because it does not break down very easily. Pure coconut oil is also excellent for skin softening and hair conditioning. It absorbs quickly into the skin and is not as greasy as you would think. I love using it after a shower and it works well as a deodorant too. (I add a drop of lavender essential oil for a fresh scent). Taken internally it provides wonderful MCFA’s which are medium chain fatty acids. MCFA’s are some of the same nutrients that are in breast milk. So taking a tablespoon or two per day would be an important part of excellent health providing immune building. If you don’t like the idea of oil in your mouth, just add it to a smoothie, peanut butter or almond butter.

5) Castor Oil. Most people were raised taking either castor oil or cod liver oil when they were growing up for making sure they were cleansed and having daily constitutionals. Although I still believe Castor oil is excellent for that purpose, the other uses I have found are just as important. Castor oil has been shown to be an excellent solution for scars. I have seen large scars disappear over a short period of time when a castor oil pack is placed on the scar each day for 20 to 40 minutes. Pure castor oil which can be obtained at the health food store is probably best, especially if used with pure cotton or wool flannel as a pack. Just be sure to keep the castor oil clear of good clothes or sheets, as it will stain. Just pour about 1 tablespoon of castor oil on the cotton or wool flannel and place it on the area or scar. Then place a piece of plastic over the pack and apply some type of heat like a hot water bottle or heating pad. Relax for the 20-40 minutes. Castor oil is also excellent as a pack on the colon or gall bladder for assisting in the detoxification of those areas (and you don’t have to drink it to make it work!)

Now that you know about these five products for excellent health that may have just been sitting there in your cupboard, you can make much better use of them and feel confident that your health is improving.

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Christmas Lights Sleep

Scary Scenarios

4 a.m. Awake. Stomach tight. Mind mulling over scary scenarios. Money needs, family illnesses.
I’ve been laid off and need a job. Unemployment running out in a week. Daughter sick. Mom getting older. Can’t buy Christmas gifts. My friends lost their jobs and now looking too.

Christmas stories by Rose Marie

Shifting and turning. Can’t sleep anymore. Husband rolls over and asks, “What’s wrong?” I tell him my concerns. He holds me and says not to worry, just find two things to be grateful for and go back to sleep. I sigh, “Okay.” I get up, pad into the warm living room and turn on the Christmas tree. Small, sweet, and full of white light.

Invoking God

I say a little prayer of thanks for the light, for our home, and for my husband who provides. I gently close my eyes so the lights become blurred and focus in on the entirety of the white light. . . maybe that’s how God sees us, all these individual little lights that blend into one big, bright light.

Christmas stories by Rose Marie

Meandering into the kitchen, I plug in the other Christmas lights.  Muted reds, greens, yellows, and blues shining through the boughs of holly and streamers of poinsettias. Warm, calm, and full of color.

Christmas stories by Rose Marie

Another prayer of thanks goes out for the Christmas lights, for my friends, my dog, my family and the new babies on their way.

Feeling better, I venture into the den and switch on the overhead strings of lights. . . some white, some multi-colored. They cast a soft spread of color onto the Christmas cactus, ribbons and stockings.

Thank you Christmas lights

Again I pray. Thanks for my relationship with God, the goodness and generosity in others, the incredible wealth I have because I can open my heart and love others.

5:30 a.m. Awake. Stomach calm. Mind peacefully quiet. I am truly blessed.
I make my way back to the bed, snuggle up to my husband.
Inspired gratitude. Sleep.

Blessings, Rose Marie

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Mobile Rainbow

I love the morning Light,
Entertaining the dark to magically, instantaneously disappear.
A single ray collides with the prism dangling in the dining room window
Exploding universes of mobile rainbows swinging dizzily around the room
Morphing windows, dishes, plates and cabinets into playthings of the sun’s fingers
Notwithstanding any restrictions, barriers or blockages
No wonder our ancestors believed the Sun to be a god
Of light, omnipresent, omniscient, luminous
Where the diminished shadow goes un-burnt by the ray of hope.

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Rose Marie

God’s grace takes us on a journey into blissful awareness.
An Awareness that begins with a simple act done in openness and gratitude.

Have you ever felt the soft legs of a butterfly walk upon your finger and know that as its wings flutter they create a breeze that is felt around the world?

Have you heard the shrill cry of a cicada and examined its crunchy carcass and marveled at its intricacies?

Have you felt the pained crying of a baby be instantly silenced as you embraced her tenderly with all the love in your heart?

Have you breathed in the essence of a puppy and felt its shivering joy?

Have you sat in stillness gazing upon a flower until you could actually see its petals move and open in wondrous beauty as it released its heavenly scent?

I have stared into the core of a single candle until its light blinded me.

I have listened to a piece of music until I became part of the instruments…
the strings on the harp, the keys on the piano being played – a rhythm that
melted my Soul to silence.

I have gazed deeply into the eyes of my beloved and gently stroked his face and hair and felt completely at ONE in his love.

I have looked into the face of my friends and family and felt my heart leap and known the presence of Spirit in their Souls.

I have felt love and appreciation grow, knowing that joy, delight, fear, and unworthiness are All from pure source energy…

All Gifts of Growth that create Bliss and union with GOD.

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Transition of dying

Mary. You are the brave, the challenger, the freed.

Transitioning from corporeal to ethereal ,

Like a hummingbird sipping the sun’s early light

Merging with the fiery rays, your soul took flight.

Time collapsed, Life erased, Space defaced.


Through the agitated ethers we seek you.

Pressing our noses upon the glass of illusion

Peering into the realms we don’t yet trust.

Yearning to follow, afraid to push through.

Retreating back to duality, that’s our cue,

To be here now

Celebrating you.

We are Grateful for the blessing of your friendship

For your example of love in action.

Your compassionate, delicate nature, and untiring inquiries about Spirit

Endeared us to you.

Your artistic gifts showered us with beauty.

You taught us how to perceive, how to see, how to Be

In harmony with the challenges of life.

Your mantra was always Love.

Love is the answer. Love is all there is.

Thank you for sharing your love.

Be released.

Be at peace.

~Rose Marie

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Affairs give Awareness

The first time I became aware, I was pointing a gun at my husband’s balls.  256px-Handgun_Tritium_Night_Sights

The day before I had caught him with another woman and was so upset and distraught I could not sleep the whole night.  I kept going over and over and over the scenario, the feeling of loss, inadequacy, lack of love, total unworthiness. I thought  that perhaps I should just die. I had taken my little daughter to a friend’s house, as I knew I could not be around her without upsetting her life too.

About 6 a.m., I had no reprieve in my emotional agony. I wandered around the house and eventually outside. We lived in a remote mountain home on a knoll with a lovely view of the mountains and our pond, the murmuring sound of the bold creek in the background. No other houses in view. Alone. That’s how I felt. Alone, abandoned, wretched, worthless. I tried to bring myself out of the despair, but it was too late, too dark. I thought about driving off somewhere, so I got in my car, but I was dressed in my night clothes and didn’t want to go back inside to change. Then I suddenly remembered that I had a handgun under my front seat. My neighbor had given it to me a while back when I told him I was traveling back and forth to Atlanta to see my mother and other family ever since we adopted our little girl. He wanted me to have the gun for safety on the road. I learned how to use it, but never really practiced.

But that morning I got the gun out. I had a macabre fascination with it, I wondered what it would be like to die, especially to die by my own hand. I was pretty delirious after not sleeping and I took the safety off the gun and wondered if I could pull the trigger easily with one hand or if I needed to steady the gun and use two hands. 

I used both hands, squeezed the trigger, and shot the gun off into the forest behind the house.

Within minutes my naked husband came running outside, screaming, “Oh my god, oh no!”

When he saw me still alive he kept repeating the “Oh my god, oh no!” Then he asked what I was doing. I don’t think I answered. He asked me to give him the gun and I just looked at him and then at the gun.  I felt nothing and then I lifted the gun and pointed it at him.  Here’s this man that betrayed me, for the second time in 3 years. Put me through hell, swore he’d never betray me again, and even adopted a child with me. Then lied to me for months. He kept asking me to give him the gun. I was afraid he might shoot and kill me, so I said no. Then I heard him begging me, pleading with me to stop. I dropped the aim of the gun to his balls. He immediately dropped to his knees and swore, begging me not to shoot.

Then it happened . . . the hilarity of the situation. I was more aware and in control while I was totally not in control of my own emotions. I saw him clearly, a man who had a problem, a man who could not tell the truth. I suddenly realized it was not me with all the problems. I had a choice.  He was pitiful in my eyes. He was not worth shooting.

Inside a strange sense of  hilarity was rising, a smile was about to grace my face, I handed him the gun and told him he was not worth it. He grabbed the gun, swore again, and raced inside to call our therapist. He immediately tried to have me committed to a psychiatric ward, but luckily my therapist was very smart and intuitive and had my husband put me on the phone. My therapist asked me some questions about what I felt and if I wanted to kill myself, or commit suicide. I told him no, but admitted I briefly had contemplated the idea given my depression and despair. He asked us to come see him first thing. After I got off the phone I felt lighter and clearer than I had in months. I felt like laughing but couldn’t quite get the chuckles out, as it felt disrespectful,  like laughing at a funeral. 

My husband tried to berate me and I just walked away from him. I knew we were done and still had pain in my heart, but my own self worth had started to heal. Once my husband was in the shower, I went outside on our deck and scanned the magnificent view, and then it happened. I started laughing and crying at the same time. The excruciating pain of his affair and my reaction to it had brought me a new awareness about myself.  But that was just the beginning. . .

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